EMPTY
I feel empty
Like the cold air
The wind blowing through me
The rain begging me to feel
With its lashings
And chill
But I can’t
I’m empty
JUST ME
I thought I’d found my home,
I thought I’d found my place.
Turns out you were neither of those things,
And again it blows up in my face.
.
I tried again after the first fail,
But here we are all again.
A new person a new love,
But it ends. The same as then.
.
Perhaps I don’t want to love,
Maybe I just want to be me.
Loneliness when im not alone,
Compromise? There has to be.
.
But compromise needs counter;
Balance and benefits to see.
I can’t find them anymore so I guess it’s time.
To find freedom maybe I need to be just me?
POEMS
It’s been 5 years since I wrote one of these
I started when I needed release
From feelings of sadness. loneliness. tears
Inadequacy. Rejection. Fears.
Then I found a new reason to write
I wrote of love and connection not spite
Of feeling at home. Finding my peace
5 years, and the feelings have ceased
The same problems still not fixed
And they forever will exist
Refusal to try
Communicate or cry
Lonely. Confused. Sad
Disappointed. Tired. Mad.
SEASONAL CHANGE
Wilting petals
Curling leaves
Dried up soil
Frosty ground
Chill winds
Cold air
Avoiding them
Averted gazes
Walking away
Leaving rooms
Sleeping apart
Fixing nothing
Lashing rains
Freezing winds
Dark nights
Cold mornings
Lonely flowers
Hiding animals
Breaking glass
Ripping photos
Shredding memories
Shouting voices
Crying eyes
Harsh words
Quiet woods
Long shadows
Late sunrise
Soft breeze
Whispering trees
Hibernation
Empty rooms
More space
Quiet house
Calm home
Peaceful
Silent
Alone
HOW DO YOU FEEL?
Like a deep dark pool
Like a rumbling cloud
Like a fiery strike of lightning
Like a tidal wave
Like a heavy Boulder
Like a patch of moss
Like a cloudless night
Like a screeching bat
Like a fragile dragonfly wing
Like a raging river
Like a sleeping mouse
Like a swirling current
Like a sweeping wind
Like a stampeding herd
Like a soft fleece
Like a bleating lamb
Like a clutching newborn
Like a wilting flower
Like a lonely puppy
UNCERTAINTY
Sometimes uncertainty means worrying
About having enough food until payday
About children’s illnesses
Or stress from school
About endless laundry
And cleaning up chocolate handprints
Fixing broken things and turning around to find more
Finding the time to complete all of the tasks
And there’s never enough. Time. Money. Space.
Sometimes uncertainty means anxiousness
What happens next?
How will I deal with it?
How will I do everything I’m supposed to do?
What if I let it all slip and all I can do is cry?
What if I can’t give them what they need?
Will I get through this?
Will everything change?
What if I will regret it?
Sometimes uncertainty means potential
The potential for things that seemed impossible
Dreams that I buried deep inside me
Wishes that were considered silly
Not gonna happen in this lifetime
But what if I make a new life
Who knows what’s possible in that one
Maybe the impossible.. isn’t anymore
Sometimes uncertainty is all of those and more
A decision
A chance
Endless possibilities
Maybe regret and sadness
Maybe newfound happiness
Change can be scary
But stagnation is too
Certainty is stability
Freedom is uncertainty
Natural Causes 